“So what’s so hard about having a baby”? Ever know anybody who asked that question to a pregnant lady and lived to talk about it?
My advice would be to never, ever let those words escape from your mouth. And to be even safer, don’t even think those thoughts, for fear that a pregnant woman, any pregnant woman would read your mind and ring your neck before you formed your thoughts into audible words!
But if you do make that mistake of speaking them and live through it, you may hear the following statement regarding the birthing of a baby: “You pull a watermelon out of your nostril and then we’ll talk!”
I find myself needing to ask a few questions: “If watermelons are that dangerous, why is anybody standing with their nostril that close to such a dangerous fruit in the first place”? And, “Are we talking the round, smaller-than-a-bowling-ball watermelon or one of those longer-than-it-is-wide watermelons”? Also, “How does one go about getting a watermelon up the nose in the first place? Was the watermelon self-implanted or was there help putting it up there? And then, “What if watermelons are not in season? Will a zucchini work or should one go from fruit stand to fruit stand in pursuit of the perfect nasal orb”? Final question, “Wouldn’t it be wiser to have the watermelon-up-the-nose surgically removed by a qualified surgeon than trying to pull it out yourself”?
I don’t know what to think now. Evidently, I never made the mistake of asking my wife the original question about the difficulty of having a baby because I can still go near watermelons with no fear of a nasal filling. We, well, actually my wife gave birth to six healthy babies, none of them remotely comparable to a melon. I have managed to keep my nose clean through all six of them. And now, we have four grandchildren, and none of them resemble melons of any sort in any way! The cool thing was that none of them came from the garden or had to be watered daily.
What I’m thinking is that it would be safer to play marbles on the freeway, during rush hour, with hand grenades, than to ask a pregnant woman what is so hard about having a baby! That’s my conclusion!