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“So what’s so hard about having a baby”?

     “So what’s so hard about having a baby”?  Ever know anybody who asked that question to a pregnant lady and lived to talk about it?

     My advice would be to never, ever let those words escape from your mouth.  And to be even safer, don’t even think those thoughts, for fear that a pregnant woman, any pregnant woman would read your mind and ring your neck before you formed your thoughts into audible words!

      But if you do make that mistake of speaking them and live through it, you may hear the following statement regarding the birthing of a baby: “You pull a watermelon out of your nostril and then we’ll talk!”

     I find myself needing to ask a few questions: “If watermelons are that dangerous, why is anybody standing with their nostril that close to such a dangerous fruit in the first place”?  And, “Are we talking the round, smaller-than-a-bowling-ball watermelon or one of those longer-than-it-is-wide watermelons”?  Also, “How does one go about getting a watermelon up the nose in the first place?  Was the watermelon self-implanted or was there help putting it up there?  And then, “What if watermelons are not in season?  Will a zucchini work or should one go from fruit stand to fruit stand in pursuit of the perfect nasal orb”?  Final question, “Wouldn’t it be wiser to have the watermelon-up-the-nose surgically removed by a qualified surgeon than trying to pull it out yourself”? 

     I don’t know what to think now.  Evidently, I never made the mistake of asking my wife the original question about the difficulty of having a baby because I can still go near watermelons with no fear of a nasal filling.  We, well, actually my wife gave birth to six healthy babies, none of them remotely comparable to a melon.  I have managed to keep my nose clean through all six of them.  And now, we have four grandchildren, and none of them resemble melons of any sort in any way!  The cool thing was that none of them came from the garden or had to be watered daily. 

     What I’m thinking is that it would be safer to play marbles on the freeway, during rush hour, with hand grenades, than to ask a pregnant woman what is so hard about having a baby!  That’s my conclusion!

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States I have been to

<a href="
visited 24 states (48%)
Create your own visited map of The United States or Free ipad travel guide” title=”States I have been to”>States I have been to

These are the states I can remember that I have been to, some before I got married. 

CANDY MAN

     This is my friend.  He is everyone’s friend.  He rides my bus and he chose to be my friend.  He’s a nice guy but I don’t know his name.  I think he tried to tell me once but I never got it for sure.

      I came to the CONCLUSION that I would just call him Candy Man!  Every day Candy Man boarded my bus, he gave me at least as much candy as shown below.  Sometimes he gave me more than what’s shown below.   There were even times when Candy Man gave me some more candy when he de-boarded my bus.  Other fellow riders benefited from Candy Man’s generosity as well because he gave them handfuls of candy.  Candy man just liked giving candy to people.  

     Just for safety’s sake, I had to scientifically determine that what Candy Man gave me actually was safe.  The most scientific way I knew of was to eat some of it.  When it rendered no ill effects, I figured  that he was not trying to poison me or that he had not given me some cutely wrapped ex-lax, so I obliged to his daily acts of dental destructive kindnesses.

     One day as Candy Man boarded my bus, he blessed me with some breath mints.  Was he hinting for an early drop off bus stop or was Candy Man just hinting?  I’ll never know.  He didn’t speak very good English and I didn’t understand very good..his language.  Besides, I ended up changing routes and haven’t seen Candy Man since.  With Candy Man gone, there is going to be a certain void to fill.  My dentist calls it a ‘cavity’!  Now, ain’t that sweet!